Bitching

... did you think we didn't?
Would we be girls otherwise? :)


Stupid woman. Skinny as hell. With her Big boobs in your face like that ...bleagh!
I hate her.
She's a witch.
She got married and then got impregnated ... no wait ... she got impregnated and then got married - but before that she killed her baby coz she kept puff puff puffing away at her cigarette ...


Hmm ... are all middle school classes that informative.

No!! All other classes are fun. But this class is all about Boobs. Stupid Witch.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ali: Anchi, don't you worry you won't get married?

Anchi: Heyyyyy!!

Ali: No no! I'm not saying no one will marry you ... I'm saying you might not fall in love

Anchi: Oh. See I intend marrying someone who loves me. Yes. Thats what I'll do. *looks decided.

snort of laughter from the Twit.

Anchi: Heyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Ali: There are loads of guys Anchi can marry...

Anchi: Its true. *looks decidedly unsure.

Ali: The way I see it we have 6 options... but you can't marry the first guy coz I hate him, you can't marry the second guy coz you hate him and you can't marry the third guy coz Twit hates him.

Anchi: So that leaves us with two guys *carefully doing the math

Twit: You can't marry Him!

Anchi: Why not?

Twit: Coz he's your friend. Besides he looks like a teddy bear.

Anchi and Ali: Since when is that a bad thing

Twit: *grunts

Ali: And you can't marry the other guy because he doesn't look like a teddy bear.

Twit: *nods agreement

Anchi: I think I know where this is going

Twit: Now all you have to do is accept it

Ali: Oh wait, theres still one guy left

Anchi: Shalome things he is an egoistic pig

Ali: Perfect. Thats settled then.

- - - - - - - - - - -

A babysitters prayer

Dear dear God,

Please make the day longer, so I may get some sleep.
May my clothes repel food and drool and may they self destruct on formation.
Along the same lines, may the 2 year old's clothes repel everything except his body (which tends to be the case always)

Please send enough distractions throughout the day - especially at meal times.
Give me the strength to explain for the three hundredth time that sugar does not have vitamins, coz vitamins are sweet too!

I beg you to eliminate the 2 year olds predilection towards downward tropism
The 14 year old's mood swings
and the 8 year old's shrill voice.

I'd also like you to know that I don't see the point behind giving kids a perverse sense of humor. If you think you're funny, think again.

Please send Telly Tubbies to hell. I need to know Telly Tubbies die and go to hell.
Also, if you must send me to hell, please don't send me to the same hell where the Telly Tubbies are.

However God, I'd like to say thank you for everything else.
And yes ... you have again reasserted the fact that you exist.

much love,
me

Hot cocoa, toasted marshmallows and sap

Being an only child was good. Too good!

It was also, apparently, too good to last.

I love my sisters. Even the one I grudge her trip to India for. A trip I didn't get to make with her. But I'm happy nonentheless. Happy she gets to be with the ones she loves, eat the things she missed, smell her favourite smells, laugh her laugh and be generally happy or miserable depending on what the moment compels her to be.

See up until now I've had my sisters tucked away in safe niches. Places where I knew they would be happy (if they let themselves be happy) and well looked after.

But now I've been shifted from the designation of honorary sister based in remote location and acting important from far far away to being in the middle of it.

The transition, I assure you, has not been entirely smooth.

Trouble, they say, comes in twos.

I think that statement is flawed. I think... that it should be troubleMAKERS come in twos.

The past few weeks of my life have resulted in
... loss of sleep from pointless conversations that go on into the wee hours of the morning
... unfogging the bathroom after two hour baths
... waking up in the morning to find a tangle of limbs on top of me
... accounting to the grandma possible causes for the disappearance of cookies
... covering up for tardiness
... arranging and rearranging bottles of shampoo/moisturizer/conditioner
... hiding objects in spite
... fighting
... hugging
and loads of giddy headed laughter

Yes, yes ... couldn't be better and all that...
thats what I was going to say too.

Best kept secrets

To me you are perfect.
You, and everything about yourself.

You are everything I've wanted.
You made me feel everything they talk about in songs.
You've made my heart swell with the symphony... lifted my feet off the ground... read into the words.
And you're not the medium, you are always the cause.

For giddy highs... spontaneous smiles and impulsiveness ...
I owe you.
For joy that I can never begin to explain.
I owe you.
and for every ray of sunshine...
... you are loved.

Thanks also for fine wine and clean linen.
Here is to you... I wish you cathedral bells and grateful tears and of course... sunshine in whatever way you may want it.

Math

This calculator doesn't work.

How come?

I don't know.

Somehow 1 + 1 is 11.

Hmm.

Oh wait. No. I just forgot to press +.
Its okay. Send the troops back. Its okay. The situation is under control.
The day has saved the day. And today is the day.
Wait... what?

You know math was invented in India.

No, the zero was invented in India.

Why would anyone invent a zero.

I guess you need nothing before you have something. You know. Like contrast and such.

So is that why math was invented? For philosophy sakes?

Nooooo... math was invented to ...

...make my life miserable
...I agree!

Wait wait... the calculator isn't working again.

tell me lies... tell me sweet little lies...

He broke my heart! I'm never talking to him again!


Well at least he was honest ...

Pft! Who wants honesty! No one wants honesty!! Every one I know want stars and music and... and... cotton candy!


Yeah Right! I remember only yesterday someone with a remarkable resemblance to you was sitting on me and screaming, "tell me the truth!! tell me!!"

I think I'm growing old ... I don't deal with honesty as well as I used to.

No, I don't think it has anything to do with age. I think he should have lied to you. It was only appropriate. Like you'd have know what really happened!! You'd never have a way to have found out otherwise. So he could easily have kept the truth from you and there would have been no problem. He could have made something up too! Something all gooey and happy! Everyone would have been happy.

LIE TO ME!! Is that how your mind works!! You'd lie to me!! Why don't you just kill me instead of lying to me.

Wha?? You just said you didn't...

But that would break my heart!! If someone lied to me!!

..... silence .....


Aaah!!

So which would be the lesser of two evils?

I guess the one option he didn't pick.

Life is just too hard

Word Perfect

So being an older sibling in excellent academic standing warrants that you teach your younger siblings that which is a challenge to them.
Being well aware of the fact that on the grandmother's scale of comparison we were the ones accused of being good at English, the Twit and I were forced (against our will and to Alisha's dismay) forced to review vocabulary with Alisha.

It was a trying afternoon... a steady drizzle... nothing on TV... job searching had my nerves raw and my fingertips sore ... Twit wanted to go out, but the weather unfavourable to be engaged in any outdoorsy activity and Alisha had seen every episode of Family Guy ever made...

It was like, life had no meaning anymore.

So we resigned ourselves to studying vocabulary.

Anchi: Give me synonyms for the following
Alisha: pft!! Vacations are meant for fun ... studying is what school is for
Anchi: alleviate
Alisha: I don't wanna... I don't waaannnnaaaa...
Anchi: Alleviate
Alisha: NO!
Anchi: Alleviate Alisha
Twit: (slaps Alisha's arm)
Alisha: How dare you twit!! (pounces on Twit)
Anchi: (tucks book under arm - tears two apart) Alleviate
Alisha: TO LESSEN!! DECREASE!! MAKE EASIER FOR SOMEONE!! GEEZZZ!!!

Twit: See, how hard was that!!

Alisha: I almost died!!

Anchi: Acrimony
Alisha: I'd rather die!
Anchi: Acrimony
Alisha: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!
Twit: Alisha!! Stop acting like a dufus!!
Alisha: You don't know the pain!! You'll never know the pain!! You skinny twit!! I hate you!! I hate you both!!
Anchi: Acrimony
Alisha: Does it have something to do with matrimony?
Anchi (thinks): You know... it almost always does.
Twit: Anchi... not helping.
Anchi: erm. No. Try again.

10 words later...


Anchi: Animosity
Alisha: I don't care
Anchi: Animosity
Alisha: Enemy-ness
Twit: Thats not even a word
Alisha: Well I think it should be


Thirty minutes and three hundred whines, complains and taunts later ... the twit and I retired.

Alisha: What? I are we done already?

The Job Hunt

Anchi (screaming and stomping around the room): Alishaa... Alishaa... find me a job Alishaa...
Ali: Aww... my poor baby ... come let me help...
What is it you do again?
Anchi: I'm a biologist
Alisha (typing): uh..huh...
Highest degree obtained?
Anchi: Two dratted Masters degrees... TWO!! BUt no one will HIRE me Alishaa ... (great big pretend sobs)

Alisha (ignores Anchi's over dramatization and peers at the computer screen most importantly)
Here you go ...

Do you want to be a Chief sta... sta.... tis... kishien?
Anchi: a what??
Alisha (serious look): a statiskishien
Anchi: thats statistician

Alisha: what?? whats that?
Anchi: Someone who does statistics
Alisha: Oooh that is what a statisti-k-shin is
Twit (walks into the room): Whats a statiskashin?
Anchi: a statistician
Twit (looks at Alisha grinning wildly): Ah! Of course! You know, you could start your own dictionary at this rate.

10 mins later ...
Anchi now lying on her back, her head hanging over the side; Twit's on youtube, Alisha still job hunting.

Alisha: Do you want to be a CRA
Twit: Whats that?
Alisha: A Cynical research associate
Anchi: thats clinical research associate
Alisha: oh ... thats right. It is clinical.

5 more mins later...
Alisha: Whats an A-Sock?
Anchi: I dunno. How is it spelled?
Alisha: A-S-S-O-C
Anchi: Thats Associate. ITs the abbreviation.
Alisha: How hard is it to write the whole thing!!

The Invitation

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon ,"Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will standin the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Alisha-isms

Strolling in suburbia
Twit: (bending over rose bush) Smell the roses
Anchi: I can smell them from here
Twit: (looks skeptical, sticks nose next to my face) I can't smell them from here
Ali: That's coz you're deaf!
Eh?

Boy-talk session # 289
Ali: Oh he's a keeper... in the garage.

Boy-talk session # 334
Ali: All the best guys are either taken or gay ... Why ME!!

Anchi showing remorse
Anchi: Twit told me to do it that way, which is why I did it (looks dejected)
Ali: (puts reassuring arm around shoulder and patronising voice) What did you learn?

Fight # 231
Twit: (said something)
Anchi: Your so vain twit
Ali: THATS RIGHT TWIT!! YOU'RE JUST VAIN. V-A-Y-N - VAIN!!
Anchi: Err... that didn't come out right.
Ali: No? Why?

Two lazy louts and one twit climbing up Hyde street in San Francisco
(Hyde street is very very steep)
Anchi: F***!!
Twit: (grunting)Walk backwards its easier
Ali: I hate you all, I hate life! Why couldn't they level the city before they built stuff. But NOOO!!! They had to have mountains. It's all your fault Twit!!
Anchi, carry me. Is there a short-cut? How much more do we have to walk? Why can't it be flat? Ooh this is like trekking! Ooh that guy is hot! WHAT!! that slope is steeper than the last one. Where did the hot guy go? Oooh ice cream... No No, I don't want any. Anchi, dont spend money. Is that a cable car? Can we take the cable car? I've never been on the cable car. Damn its full! Idiots. All want to ride the cable car.
Anchi, twit - looooveee me, hoooold me. No No its okay, I'll only pull you'll back. You guys walk, I'll catch up. Or not. Whatever. It doesn't matter.
Why are taxis so expensive?

(What wore her out? the banter or the walk... is still in debate. Luckily its a beautiful city and there are "so many hot men")